"the scheme of things" (orig posted on myspace 12/22/08)

"my car is like my own personal universe
she's my drug and it only takes 12 bucks to fill 'er up
and in my galaxy there ain't no room for earth
so i'm leavin it cuz i can feel my oil pressure building up
turning over the ignition of my solar system
check the gauges, push in the tape
put my foot on the brake
shift existence, light my cigarette
and take it state to state
until i crash into my fate..."
-slug (atmosphere)

it doesn't matter what may have happened during the day, i know that The Mountain will always be there for me.
i hit the streets in the direction of my favorite local peak, feeling relief at just the thought of traversing its glorious twists and turns.
a pang of excitement runs thru me like electricity as it comes into view. regardless of how many times i have been up here, i get the butterflies as i enter the canyon and accelerate into the great abyss.
all my problems dissipate as i turn into the apex. i feel the stress and negative energy drain from my body, and i smile.
the tires and the ecu warm up and i push her a little harder.
the thrill of the chase. the exhilaration of the unity between (wo)man and machine. sometimes i am aware of what drives me, what i am trying to escape. other times i am not. all i do know is that The Mountain will make me feel better. help me break my problems down into manageable, bite size pieces. i find a zen-like peace in this place. when i am driving i feel truly free from everything, even myself. especially myself.
and when i reach the top, i pull off to the side and let my trusty steed rest for a moment. i take in the view from up high. looking down at the city below makes me realize how petty we all are, all the bullshit is, how this very planet is but an infinitesimal spec in the grand scheme of things...
gazing upward into the heavens, i marvel at how beautiful and mysterious this world, this universe is, and how amazing it is to be apart of it. "celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing". everything is in perspective now. things are back in their place. i feel right, sane, whole, once again.
i am ready to go back down.
if the weather is good i am borderline reckless, scaring the shit out of anyone who happens to be riding shotgun. always in control, but sometimes just barely. its a good ride down if you manage to frighten yourself a little bit. always pushing. always wanting to know how far i can go before i reach the edge and still walk away.
when i reach the bottom, i am totally consumed by the rush. i immediately want to go back up and do it again, and again. lord knows i would if i could afford the tires and fuel. but i sure as hell can't. i'm driving on toasted suspension as it is and really have no business hauling ass up and down canyons right now, but i just can't help myself. i make excuses to take back roads whenever possible. i have spent whole days just driving for the sake of driving. i need it, like oxygen or sunlight.
people who don't understand say its a waste of time, money, gas. they complain when you spend hours with the project or researching specs online or don't understand what you talk about half the time because they don't have the same habits or addictions.
but in the scheme of things, there are far worse vices to have. in the scheme of things most people don't know jackshit. but The Mountain always does. i can hear it calling me, always calling...and i will always answer.