Exit Stage Left: A Love Letter to Los Angeles

i started this a few weeks ago, on an overcast day, and just finished it a few minutes prior posting it here. i feel its rather self-explanatory. hope you enjoy!

today is grey quiet and sullen
a reflection of my soul
heavy and swollen
weighted with questions
topics and emotions
heavy as anchors
and deep as oceans
tumultuous storms
wash over my mind
drowning clarity
struggling to find
my way, my path
fighting for breath
among the waves’ wrath
the shore I once knew
and loved so well
is ravaged and torn
a reflection of hell
where is the heaven
i once called home
oh Los Angeles
what have we done?
where is the promise
of golden prosperity
opportunity for all
the tired and poor
we became a charity
spread ourselves too thin
now the infrastructure
is disintegrating from within
the cost of living
is inflated
the local workforce
is degraded
underpaid
overworked
tired and jaded
business is fleeing in droves
driven off by taxes
that never trickle down
just look at the roads
throughout this town
projects lay partially completed
and take decades to finish
this state is depleted
there is nothing left
but broken dreams
smog and potholes
coming apart at the seams
god its fucking awful
i don’t want to admit it
but I gotta let her go
my City of Lights
i love her so
there is nothing here left for me
except a few loved ones
and some scattered family
so I look beyond the Sierras
for a brighter future
severing this bond
like a decayed suture
perhaps one day
i will return
as I know in my heart
i will always yearn
for the mountains, beaches, cities and sleaze
of El Pueblo de la Reina de Los Angeles

Free of the Rat Race! (free write 4/19/10)

"Buy the ticket, take the ride." - Hunter S. Thompson
"Think from outside the box, collapse the box and take a fucking sharp knife to it." - Banksy

So last week I caught the midnite showing of Banksy's new film "Exit Through the Gift Shop". I found it to be a fascinating examination of the street art scene. I have always loved "street art". Being a SoCal native I have held the privilege of constant exposure to the very best graffiti and I never tire of taking in as much as I can when I am in the city. But seeing that film really set me on fire. Witnessing the culmination of the artists and their creations is so inspiring to me. These are people who live with out fear or limits. They take risks for their chosen form of expression on a nightly basis while the world sleeps, or right out in broad daylight while the world sleepwalks. These artists really live their lives by their own terms and are free because of it. The majority of the population does what they are told, or what they feel they have to do to survive. As a result most lose control of their lives and wind up enslaved to a system that can be heartless, detached and cold. Life just passes them by as they participate numbly and then they wake up at 40 and think "oh my god what have i done with my life?" No wonder people suffer mid-life crises in our society. Men were not created to spend most of their time in a little cubicle. It isn't right in my opinion. This is the land of opportunity and people are allowing themselves to be slaves to the petty and material. These are things of in consequence, if you really stop to think about it. But we are so conditioned as a society to think and live a certain lifestyle that we get caught up in the whirlwind and then we don't know any other way. WAKE UP PEOPLE! Time is the most precious commodity. Why spend it in ways that you don't enjoy? Why are you stuck in that cubicle? You have options. Whether you realize it or not. I know that it can be scary and intimidating. But most adventures are. And that is really what life is. One big adventure. That is if you allow it to be. Live life on your terms. It's too short not to. And let me tell you, I used to be consumed by the "American Dream". Get the education, the corporate job, the house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids. I was just going with the flow, following the pack, because I didn't know I had options. I thought you are either a bum or an employee, and maybe sometimes if you get lucky you can escape into some other realm. But I realized it really has nothing to do with luck. It has everything to do with mindset. Where is your mind? My mind was trapped in the Rat Race. The only function I knew to operate off of was fear and survival. Over the last year various influences such as Robert Kiyosaki, Darren Hardy, and John C. Maxwell, have opened my mind to a mentality totally foreign to me. I have learned that we all have choices, and ultimately we are the only ones responsible for how our lives are lived. It doesn't matter what has been done to us, whether we were the victim at one point or another, we choose how to respond to those situations and adversities. We also choose our employment and lifestyle. Who says you have to work for someone else or do something mind-numbingly mundane? Who says you have to rely on the government or some other entity for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? And if they do, do they seem truly happy and fulfilled? More than likely not. In fact many people don't really understand what true happiness and contentment are. They confuse it with the material. "Oh well when I have this job I'll be happy." "When I get done with school I'll be happy." "When I get out of debt I'll be happy." I am sure that you have heard this or even said it yourself. I know I have. But I have come to realize that happiness, contentment, fulfillment, these are things that are created within the mind and soul, and have nothing to do with outside forces. If you cannot find happiness at your lowest lows you will never sustain it at your peaks. Many find it hard to understand or digest these topics I have been rambling about in this piece, which further exemplifies the power of mindset. Since I have learned to develop and grow my mind outside of the traditional I am experiencing life in an entirely different way. I feel like I have been sleeping my whole life and over the last year I have been waking up. And now that my eyes are open to this bold new mentality, I feel liberated. Knowing, really knowing, that ultimately only I have control over how I live my life, frees me to examine opportunity and adventure in ways I never knew existed. I am going through one of my lowest lows right now, as are many Americans and even people all over the world, but I can honestly say I am happier now then I have ever been. I am excited for the future and what it holds, and pursuing my dreams and goals with a hunger and passion that is borderline frightening. Like many Americans today I don't have much faith in the economy, the government, or the job market. But I believe in my own potential and in the potential of others. And once that is channeled and the potential realized, that is really all that matters.

"Summertime" poem circa 2008

i stretch myself slowly out of winter’s bitter slumber
coaxed awake by the calling of spring and all her empty promises
thunderheads swell on the horizon
roll thru the sky with threats of thunder and lightning
expressing their anger in loud, frightening gestures
unleashing warm rains, awakening rivers and springs
then suddenly they are gone
dissipated
leaving behind nourished refreshed bursting life
joyful and glorious in all of its abundance
the embrace of the warm breeze
the vivid colors of the land and sky
the touch of the golden sun against my skin
i want to soak it all up
max out all six of my senses
the rolling hills
the breath of the trees stirring in the restless air
the calls of lazy insects
it all culminates in a beauty that’s almost painfully overwhelming
i can’t believe i am here
in this place
at this precise moment in time
wandering freely and without care
like this day will last forever
stretching out into one endless season
of sunlight and laughter and bold exploration
feeling at one where the wild things roam
on top of the world
spying upon those below with eagle eyed intent
i wish i could grow wings
and never have to return to reality
just float
from meadow to valley
mountain peak to forest
never looking back
until the moon calls me home
to my place in the heavens
settling down at last
in a state of peace and winter’s gentle slumber

"the scheme of things" (orig posted on myspace 12/22/08)

"my car is like my own personal universe
she's my drug and it only takes 12 bucks to fill 'er up
and in my galaxy there ain't no room for earth
so i'm leavin it cuz i can feel my oil pressure building up
turning over the ignition of my solar system
check the gauges, push in the tape
put my foot on the brake
shift existence, light my cigarette
and take it state to state
until i crash into my fate..."
-slug (atmosphere)

it doesn't matter what may have happened during the day, i know that The Mountain will always be there for me.
i hit the streets in the direction of my favorite local peak, feeling relief at just the thought of traversing its glorious twists and turns.
a pang of excitement runs thru me like electricity as it comes into view. regardless of how many times i have been up here, i get the butterflies as i enter the canyon and accelerate into the great abyss.
all my problems dissipate as i turn into the apex. i feel the stress and negative energy drain from my body, and i smile.
the tires and the ecu warm up and i push her a little harder.
the thrill of the chase. the exhilaration of the unity between (wo)man and machine. sometimes i am aware of what drives me, what i am trying to escape. other times i am not. all i do know is that The Mountain will make me feel better. help me break my problems down into manageable, bite size pieces. i find a zen-like peace in this place. when i am driving i feel truly free from everything, even myself. especially myself.
and when i reach the top, i pull off to the side and let my trusty steed rest for a moment. i take in the view from up high. looking down at the city below makes me realize how petty we all are, all the bullshit is, how this very planet is but an infinitesimal spec in the grand scheme of things...
gazing upward into the heavens, i marvel at how beautiful and mysterious this world, this universe is, and how amazing it is to be apart of it. "celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing". everything is in perspective now. things are back in their place. i feel right, sane, whole, once again.
i am ready to go back down.
if the weather is good i am borderline reckless, scaring the shit out of anyone who happens to be riding shotgun. always in control, but sometimes just barely. its a good ride down if you manage to frighten yourself a little bit. always pushing. always wanting to know how far i can go before i reach the edge and still walk away.
when i reach the bottom, i am totally consumed by the rush. i immediately want to go back up and do it again, and again. lord knows i would if i could afford the tires and fuel. but i sure as hell can't. i'm driving on toasted suspension as it is and really have no business hauling ass up and down canyons right now, but i just can't help myself. i make excuses to take back roads whenever possible. i have spent whole days just driving for the sake of driving. i need it, like oxygen or sunlight.
people who don't understand say its a waste of time, money, gas. they complain when you spend hours with the project or researching specs online or don't understand what you talk about half the time because they don't have the same habits or addictions.
but in the scheme of things, there are far worse vices to have. in the scheme of things most people don't know jackshit. but The Mountain always does. i can hear it calling me, always calling...and i will always answer.